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Before yesterdayWelcome to my Escape.

The Love That Never Dies

15 May 2018 at 04:24

Her eyes opened suddenly. She glanced around; it took her a few seconds to be in complete mindfulness. The thick blanket engulfed her, she found it hard to breathe. Looking up, she realised the fan was off, it had stopped working in the middle of the night. The saliva tasted terrible in her mouth. She prepared to get out of bed, realising the urgent need to brush her teeth. She took her first deep breath of the day, the stench of stale food and unwashed clothes, of dirt and filth, filling her lungs with a sharp, pungent sting. And amidst it all, she could hear her baby boy cry at the top of his lungs. He probably woke up because of the heat as well.

Maria forced herself up. It was a good night’s sleep, she thought, while it lasted. The simplest things in life were luxuries she could rarely afford. Maria frowned as it dawned on her that the sun was still sleeping. Nevertheless, she picked up baby Jeremiah, and began to rock him back to sleep, singing the same lullaby for the umpteenth time, the only one she knew, the only one that disguised her voice as something out of the ordinary, the only one that she was sung to as a child.

It didn’t take long for Jeremiah to fall back asleep, of course, he never required a pillow, his mother’s gentle hands were all he needed. Maria’s eyes stayed transfixed upon his sweet face. Oh, what a blessing lay in her hands. She had to work extra for him, but how it added pride instead of burden on herself. She never got a peaceful wink of sleep because of him, but how she adored the colour of red in her eyes. She had to lie to herself that she wasn’t hungry when she gave him the whole piece of pie, the golden piece of pie, but how the rumbling in her stomach turned into her melodious lullaby. One day, he would know, and he would understand, she thought.

As time started slipping, she decided to finally get up and have everything ready before she left home for work. She wore the same old, ragged, jumpsuit, for the fifth time that week. Jeremiah was soon coming to his senses too, and after feeding him half a cup of cold milk she stepped out into the fresh air. At least that was free.

What she saw outside juxtaposed with the events of her own life. The sun, in its great attempt to nullify all the dullness in the world, happy, healthy children running about, birds singing and the flowers gleaming with colour, as if it was a pride war among them. Maria paused at the sight of a young couple. They were living far from reality, in their own wonderland. The girl, smiling with her teeth as white as snow, the wind making her hair fly off, reminded Maria of herself. Meanwhile, the young man, gazing at her with the most affectionate smile, reminded Maria of him.

She tried hard to resist it, but the fluttering feelings of love were dominating. She was strongly reminded of how they were each other’s universe. She had considered herself as the luckiest person in the world to have him by her side. Their wedding, although not very grand, still was the biggest day of their lives. And then came Jeremiah, the fruit of their love. But it didn’t take much long after that for everything to crumble, for the house of cards to collapse. Being a brave member of the army, he had said goodbye to his family as he was being deported. Little did they know it was his final goodbye. Nobody exactly knew what happened. But they found a man, dressed in his army best, lying between the bushes near the enemy zone, with three bullets in his chest.

Maria was playing with her little son, her heart melting looking at him smile. And then a phone call was all that was needed. Three bullets had gone into her chest through the receiver.

Things had changed a lot since then. Imagine having to cope with the loss of your loved one and trying to keep your son alive. She couldn’t even see his body. God knows what happened to it.

All these thoughts came flying in so fast, Maria felt almost overwhelmed. She hoped it was all a nightmare, but there she was, baby Jeremiah smiling up at her, standing in the middle of the street. The couple had long left, she realised. And off she went, to earn some coins. She had never resorted to begging, and would never. She had her dignity to protect. Maria had decided to earn her coins, and so she did, for 5 years thereafter, working at construction sites. Pure labour, one which required only physical stress, and if that runs out, then the face of a hungry five year old at home was all the driving force she needed. Day after day, even on the days when she couldn’t lift her head, she’d do her job and make her boss happy, and in turn, her son.

Most of her fellow workers were afraid of their job. They thought it was dangerous. Why, they had to carry big boulders of rocks, climb unstable ladders, hang on feeble ropes… of course it was dangerous. But Maria was able to overcome this fear with another one – the fear of Jeremiah being left alone if she too was gone. She had to give him everything in life she never had. And she’d cross all borders for that.

It had been merely 5 years of this life. 5 years, and counting of pure sacrifice. Living for another, breathing for them. Her husband had departed, she rarely thought of him now, she never had the time. Her love for him had fallen dead when he did. What was the point of thinking about people who would never come back? But Maria knew, that even if she died, her love for her son would be eternal. He was the life that she created, and nurtured. She would love him till the end of time. It was the love that never died.



So how did you like this piece? I’m going to tell you a secret- *whispers* -this took me almost 4 months to finish. Oops.

Through this story, I wanted to highlight all the struggles a mother goes through. And although this story revolved around a single mother, they all face the same things, single or not. And we must all cherish them, appreciate them, and make them proud. If you understood this, then I guess I was successful. 🙂

Thanks for reading!





Because I Just Might Crush You Down

9 May 2018 at 06:24

There, I am standing right there.
Can you see me? Just right there.
Maybe not, the smoke is hiding me.
It’s thick, black and suffocating; engulfs me.
But you won’t be able to feel that, why would you?
You don’t even care, how could you?

But let me tell you, I’m reaching my limit.
I probably just might give up… Shall I?
No no, I won’t do that, it’s not worth it.
Because the joy of crushing everything else is,
So is this darkness,
Don’t know where it comes from.
It’s frustrating, agonizing, painful.
But don’t worry about me, I’ll sail through,
With or without your help.

It’s funny, the more I try to escape,
The thicker the smoke gets: such is life.
Breathless, panting,
Almost dying,
I’ve finally fallen on my knees.
The colours of my soul have long gone.
Instead the smoke is filling my lungs.
But no, I have to get back up, will you lend me your hand?

But wait, I don’t need your hand, not yours!
Not yours, when there are countless others waiting in line.
Because I think, somewhere in the past,
I gave them mine too.

The mother, who I would gladly give my head for,
The angels who I call friends,
That girl from school who felt lighter talking to me- I was just being myself.
And that other friend- I can’t quite remember.
They’re all there,
Each with their hand and heart to give.
So, why yours? Forget it, I never asked for it, I’m sorry.

But you know what? I’m done.
I’m done being so sad,
And having zero motivation to live.
I’m going to bring in some change, somehow.
Maybe this mindset is all the change I need.
Look into my heart… Did you find it?
Look closely… No? In there lies my dignity.
In there lies my essence.
In there lies me.
And I will let them grow.
So thank you, for whatever.
But you do me a favour.
And never stand in my way.
I just might crush you down.


Hello! This was one of my first shots at poetry, and I know it’s quite mediocre but it was fun to give it a try. Poems come out of me usually when I’m so overwhelmed by an emotion. So yes, I meant every single word in there. It is quite straightforward, but why don’t you guys share your interpretation down in the comments? I’d love to read them, and will tell you how close you are. 🙂

Until next time,





13 Reasons Why

30 April 2018 at 05:19

Did you get surprised looking at the title? Haha, don’t worry, this post isn’t anything what you think it might be. Maybe just the opposite.
I’d like to thank my friend, Auri, (you know her, right?), for nominating me for this rather different and meaningful tag. One of her friends, Kim, who’s a teacher, lost four of her students to suicide in just a few months. She not only had the courage to cope with it, but also decided to open up about it, and start this tag on the occasion of hitting 200 followers. Please go check that post out first, right here.



  1. Mention the person who nominated you.
  2. List 13 reasons why you keep going/living (This is borrowed from the book but we’ll taking it the opposite direction).
  3. Nominate 10 or more people to give their reasons why.
  4. Use the tag logo in your post.

I have to admit that tag posts are fun. But it ends there. This one, on the other hand, can actually make a difference. Like I have emphasised in my fourth post on this blog, it is important to focus on the good. There might be millions of reasons to give up. But if you get just one good one, that’s all you need to stay.
To quote Lady Gaga~

“I’ve got a hundred million reasons to walk away,
But baby, I just need one good one to stay.”

In today’s busy world, it’s easy to overlook all the good things in your life. It’s easy to be pessimistic; to see your cup half empty. That’s how we choose to do it. But you don’t know why it happens that way. Like the universe is in its constant attempt to increase its entropy, this is just the way it is. But, the truth remains, there’s always something good in your life. There’s always something that’ll make you want to live. Right? I won’t take no for an answer.
To be honest, despite the numerous attempts to shame suicide, I feel highlighting the positives is a more effective way for the same aim. Agree?
And while 13 Reasons Why was a popular book, and an even more popular Netflix series, it didn’t really do much in terms of controlling suicide rates (no offense intended). And this was because it focused on the negatives, i.e. why she did what she did. Another reason why I find this tag post appealing is that I get to turn this the other way round.
Anyway, let’s get onto my 13 (of the many) reasons to live!

1) Family

Yes, I am a burdensome, unreliable, annoying and destructive kid. And yes, my family might be at a lot more peace if it wasn’t for me. But this, in no way, justifies their undeniable love towards me. And mine towards them. The way they literally struggle to make even the smallest of things better for me, well, I can’t pretend like I don’t appreciate that. And I know for a fact that they’d rather prefer my annoying attitude over my absence. They’ve already done so much for me in these 16 years, I would definitely want to live on to return the favour.

2) Friends

These lovely human beings have stepped into my life as angels. The smallest things like occasional glances or texts from even those who I least expect it from automatically make me smile. Even such gestures from the ones who I don’t talk to often now bring in a lot of warmth. I’m really blessed to have that one or two amazing souls to whom I can talk anything. Honestly, the fact that they all can handle my nonsense is surprising; I can’t leave them behind.

3) The Night and the Moon

I am really intrigued towards night time, which is weird, because I hated it as a child. But I love going for post-dusk strolls, or looking out from my balcony, or gazing up at starry skies/cloudy skies/ lightning-filled skies.
The moon is another wonder. I don’t know what it is about it that awes me so much, but I could go hours just staring at the moon. A full moon night has enough power to make me happy if I’m down. Speaking of the moon, how many of you witnessed the Super Blue Blood Moon earlier this year? Sorry for the picture quality, but that day, I really did spend more than an hour staring up.


Tonight was a full moon and I really did cry looking at it. Again, sorry for the picture quality.


The night and the moon, both speak to me through their own language; it’s very magical. I cannot, by any means, say goodbye to it.

4) The Wind

I absolutely adore the wind, no matter what time of the 24-hour clock it is. I honestly don’t know why. But night-time winds are the best. A part of my daily routine is to go on evening strolls once the sun sets, when the wind is blowing, with my headphones on. There is nothing else in this world that is more rejuvenating for me. This, coupled with rain, is like the cherry on top of the cake. And since the wind only blows on earth, it’s hard to leave to some place where it won’t.

5) To Chase my Dreams

It is my utmost desire to become something special. Whatever it is. I need to chase my dreams, and be able to do what I want to do. Whether it is to be successful in my chosen career path, or to be a good mother in the future, I have a few plans that I must implement. Like it has been so beautifully emphasised in the book, ‘The Alchemist’ by Paulo Coelho, each person has their own destiny to fulfill, and I’m not going anywhere before fulfilling mine.

6) Yes, I’m stubborn.

I intend to live my life to the fullest, till however long it will last. I can’t and I won’t quit early. I’m just turning seventeen soon, and there’s so much more for me to experience, and I don’t care what they will be, but I will fight it, if it’s bad. This is my determination and stubborn nature. I don’t want to be scared to live my life. The satisfaction that follows it is all I need. So, no thanks, I’m not going to take the staircase to heaven at my pit stop.

7) Travel

I am a travel loving person, and I’m so willing to convert into a nomad if I ever get the chance. I can’t stay in one place for too long, I’ll go mad. There are so many wonderful places around our lovely planet that I so wish to see before I die. Whether they are mountains or seas or tropical paradises or rainforests. Combining my love for night skies, astronomy and travel, my ultimate wish is to go to a place where there is an abundance of stars. I mean places like these-


(Photos by Babak Tafreshi)

They are so unreal, I know for a fact I’ll start crying when I see it for myself.
I mean, who knows whether heaven will have such amazing stuff, I’d rather stay here for as long as I’m meant to be.

8) Music

I don’t know how to express my gratitude for the existence of music. It has come straight from God’s kitchen, and it’s crazy how we all get to taste it. Sometimes I pause and wonder what good deed I may have done to be blessed with the talent to sing. Music is so powerful, and makes me feel things. It makes me cry and smile. There are millions of people who regret not having this talent, and being someone who does, I cannot let it go un-nurtured, can I?

9) Heritage and Culture

I’m a proud citizen of my country. I come from a land of immense diversity and vibrance, bursting with colour and culture. I haven’t even visited every place in my country yet, which is a strong regret. But going all the way back to millenniums of millenniums ago, it is beyond brilliant how our culture and heritage has evolved. The stories behind different cultural icons, our mythology, our belief and faith which merges into spirituality, our religion and languages, are all something I have the biggest interest in learning. Knowing all of this will make anyone reflect on their lives and the world today. It’s my greatest desire to learn all this before I go.

10) Purpose

Anyone who has a purpose to live, will never leave the party early. That one purpose is actually all you need. A single mother, who is struggling to keep herself and her kid alive, will never quit because her purpose in life is to raise her child. It is what drives your life. This reason was actually inspired by my mother, who always told me to have a purpose in life. And I do, and will always, whether it’s for myself or others, and it will stop me from killing myself.

11) Service

When you realise that there are other living creatures on this planet, and if your heart is made of gold, that’s another reason for you to stay. It’s something that crept into me quite recently, but I really would want to give more to others and be selfless. From taking care of my mother when she falls sick to volunteering for social service, I want service to be a part of my life. Giving to others can come back to you in ways you won’t even imagine, but the satisfaction is all I’m looking for. I heard there are more people in need down on earth than in heaven, so I’ll stay here a while more.

12) The Little Things

Yes, the little things that happen on a daily basis actually does bring in a lot of happiness for me. Things like ice cream in the fridge, or the sound of thunder, or what my mother would make for dinner tonight, or new music that my favourite artists released, or calls from my relatives, or… you know. These things happen so frequently if you look for it, and are the small driving forces that you so dearly need. It’s hard to come up with a repulsive force when such stuff are always present.

13) To Work on my Weaknesses

Fixing my flaws and weaknesses is something I desperately want to achieve in my life. I want people to be able to rely on me in times of emergency. I want them to have the belief that nothing can go wrong if I’m there. I want people close to me, especially my parents, to be proud of what I make out of life, and the person I turn into. I’m going to need as much time possible to achieve this, I can’t give myself a disadvantage by cutting that time short.

Here are the 10 people I nominate:
Purple Pumpernickel
The Happiness Hunters
Lemon Zest
The Shining Gem
Rebecca Rose
Do tag me in your posts so I can read them!

I want to take this opportunity and once again remind you of the campaign – Continue, Don’t Quit. I’m only an email away, please do drop in a message if you want to talk to me. For those of you who don’t know what this is about, read about it here. I also want to clarify that there is no eligibility criteria for you to be part of the campaign. Feel free and please do use the Continue, Don’t Quit logo in a blog post or your profiles to let people know you’re willing to help.
Thank you to everyone for reading, and see you soon!








Continue, Don’t Quit

9 March 2018 at 02:59

This post is dedicated to throwing light on a very important issue, and carrying forward the initiative that Auri and her friends began with.


I happened to read this on Instagram one day – ‘Someone who drowns in 7 feet of water is just as dead as someone who drowns in 20 feet of water’. This really turned my perspective a 180 degrees round. It doesn’t matter how ‘big’ your problems are. In fact, what each person goes through cannot be measured on a scale. It depends more on the person dealing with it. Something that one person brushes away as if it were a mere dust particle might completely ruin another person’s peace of mind.

But what exactly are these ‘problems’? And why should we accommodate them in our lives?

Well, ‘problem’ is just another word for life. Anything that happens outside of our comfort zone turns into a problem. And that pretty much happens everyday. Somehow, as we keep living and growing, we realise that what we are actually doing is fighting a battle. And this might turn out to be a real big task for some people, which causes them to quit.

Sadly, our life isn’t a video game where you can just quit when you think you’re losing. It can’t be done that way. Repercussions will follow, serious ones at that.

What these people don’t realise is that these problems/life issues actually enhance ourselves as individuals. Gold isn’t born shiny. It undergoes massive stress and difficulties to finally bring out its luster. It’s the same with us. It is important to know that nothing is spoon-fed to us, we’ve got to feed ourselves. And in the process, we might get completely worn off. But once we get what we want, once we finally win the battle, once we finally bring out our shine, there’s no better elevated feeling.

But, again, some people have it too hard. And guess what? It’s okay.

It’s okay to have lost all motivation and desire to get out of bed. It’s okay to not want to smile or talk. It’s okay if the sounds of your crying become your lullaby each night. But did you also know, that for those few who have to undergo greater pressure in order to shine are also given greater strength to face it? So, don’t worry, you’ll get through this.

However, ending your life is not the best solution you can find out there.

I know, you’re probably sick and tired of these – ‘just talk it out’ or ‘it’s just a phase’. I know you lost meaning of the word ‘just’ and quiver with annoyance every time you hear it. Because only you know that nothing in your life is just ‘just’. You can’t just talk it out, you have to think about who to ramble to, whether they’d want to listen, whether they’d care, how much you are willing to tell them. If it is only just a phase as they say, you’d wonder how long it would be, they never specified the time period of the phase, did they?

So, I’m not going to say, ‘just talk it out’. I’m going to say, ‘talk it out, telling them everything that’d rather come out of your mouth than having it bottled up inside’.

Okay, you’re probably looking at me with narrowed eyes. What difference does it make, right?

But talking it out really does help. It has for me! You have to let yourself go, and relax. You can approach your friends, family, colleagues, teachers, neighbours, anybody. And if not any of them, then you can approach me.

I promise I’ll listen, no matter how nonsensical you think your story might be. I volunteer to be your new best friend, and stay by your side, and share your burdens. Trust me.

Don’t take away your life instead! Have you seen starry nights, or the never-ending deserts? Have you gazed at the moon with wonder? Have you been to a mountaintop or on the beach-side with the wind blowing and the sun painting the sky? Have you seen white magic fall from the sky when temperatures go negative? No? Then why do you want to leave so soon? God has made this all for us. What answer will you give him when he asks you how well you enjoyed them?

I want to help you. I will not let you go just like that. And that is why I have joined Auri’s campaign – Continue, Don’t Quit.

What is Continue, Don’t Quit all about?


It’s easy. Anyone with the above logo on their blog or the tag “Continue, Don’t Quit” on their Twitter profile are ready to listen and offer any help possible.

You can talk to me, us, about anything you want. We promise we won’t reveal names or any of your personal information that you might share. This can work in two ways – if you don’t want me to speak, and if all you need is to let it all out, that’s fine. I won’t say a thing. But, if you want to listen to solutions, or ways you can feel better, I definitely will try my best to help you out.

You can reach me:

On my emailsynnove.polaris@gmail.com

My blog’s contact pagehttps://synnovepolaris.wordpress.com/contact/

Twitter – synne_polaris

Instagram – synne_polaris

I promise you a fulfilling conversation, from which you can take something back. I admit, it might not cause a drastic change, but it will give you the feeling that there is a soul in the world who cares about you. There are many, actually.

This also applies to anybody fighting depression or anxiety or anything, even if you don’t have suicidal thoughts, feel free to say hello to me.

Also read: Auri’s post on Continue, Don’t Quit.

Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly. The moment you’re ready to quit, is usually the moment right before a miracle happens. Don’t give up.

Continue, Don’t Quit.







7 March 2018 at 10:32

When I created this site about 9 months ago, I never imagined it would grow to this level, me growing with it, and it would have 100+ souls following it.

Wow, what a dream, huh?

But the strange part is, I wasn’t sleeping, which means I actually did hit the triplets.


I don’t even know how to bring justice to the immense amount of gratitude within me. Thank you to every single 114 of you for hitting that ‘follow’ button. I’m not going to lie, I watched each time as my follower count increased by one. And I couldn’t be more satisfied and content than I am now.

I just want to apologize though, this post was pending since 2 months, oops! I’ve been too busy to keep up with my blog so I took a small break. I’m even more sorry for missing all your posts the past 2-3 months, but I swear I’ll start reading them all from now.

Anyway, even as I write this post, I’m still extremely clueless as to what to do! I’ve never been so blank my entire life haha. But, here goes.

One thing you should probably know about me is that I love quotes. And sometimes I find some really good quotes or four-liners that completely change my perspective on a few things. Words can have a lot of power, huh? So, I thought it would be nice if I put up around 5 of my favourite quotes of the week on my blog home page for you all to get a weekly dosage of great quotes too! Just hop on to my site home page – http://www.synnovepolaris.wordpress.com every Sunday to read a bunch of quotes that could get you thinking. I’ll be updating them every Sunday, starting 11th of March!

I’m also opening up for collaborations in case anybody is interested. We can collab on literally anything. I don’t stick to a particular niche as such, so I’m open to all ideas. If you want to give it a shot, email me at synnove.polaris@gmail.com or you can use my contacts page too. It will be really fun, I promise!

Through this post, I really want to be able to give back to all of you. So, I’m also announcing that I’ll be accommodating guest posts. If you want to reach out to a larger audience, send an email in. I’ll post your article on my blog and link to your site as well. If you have more than one masterpiece you’d want me to put up, that’s fine too. It can be already written, already published, going to publish, exclusive guest post material, anything. I’m not holding any restrictions. I’ll be doing one guest post per month, so make sure to hold your spot! I could also do a collective post containing links to posts of many bloggers in one go. Interview posts would also be appreciated. Feel free to tell me how you’d like it to be done!

I’ll also be doing a Q/A session. So, if you have any questions for me to answer, drop them in the comment section! I’ll combine them all in one post if I get a good response.

But THANK YOU SO MUCH for all the support, the likes, the comments, and most of all, for reading my posts. I appreciate it more than you can imagine. It feels wonderful and overwhelming to know that people actually read whatever I have to say. A blog is not just a website, the people in the community also matter. And you guys are the best. Here’s to more posts and better fun!

I’d like to personally thank a few people though – A friend of mine who designed this website, and my other good friend who edits my written works (my grammar sucks!).

Thank you to Auri, Zircon, Lucy, Jaune, Simon and Tanvi for being my blogger and school buddies, and for always supporting me and nagging me for not posting! 😀

Also thank you to Megan, PurplePumpernickel, Tina, Claire, and so many others for being such amazing people I had the chance to meet!

I think I bored all of you with only award posts and other stuff, but I do have a bunch of my content posts coming up way too soon!

I also made a sign-off logo for myself! Like it? It’s amazing to introduce it here!

Thank you all once again, and have a wonderful day!






Blogger Recognition Award

5 March 2018 at 11:24

Hey guys!

It’s been a really long time since I’ve come here! But, my exams are finally done, and I can finally breathe now. And, definitely, to make up, I’m going to work a lot on my blog too. 🙂

Yes, this is an another award post, although I don’t see why I should be getting nominated as I rarely post much. Nevertheless, thanks a whole bunch to a good friend and schoolmate – Jaune for nominating me! Jaune is a wonderful writer and I assure you no regrets in visiting her site.


Rules of the Award

  • Thank the blogger who nominated you and leave a link back to their blog.
  • Give a brief history of your blog.
  • Give two or more pieces of advice for new bloggers.
  • Nominate 10 other bloggers and link their blogs.

What Welcome to my Escape is all about:

Welcome to my Escape is my own personal blog that I started probably in June of 2017. I never knew that I’d be starting a blog, as I never identified myself as a writer, but I’m loving this so so much. I finally have a place where I can talk about what stays close to my heart. I usually post about once a month, which is honestly enough for me. But this little website has efficiently served as a great outlet, and distracts me from all the negativity in my life.

Advice for newcomers:

Firstly, welcome!

Well, as an advice, I just want to say that you need to be really passionate about what you write about, whatever your niche might be. I’ve learnt from personal experience that if you really mean whatever you pen down, the piece comes out better than you imagine. There were plenty of posts that I trashed midway simply because I realised I actually had nothing to do with it. And one more thing, never try to force yourself to write. If you’re just not in the mood, shut down your laptop or keep your pen away, you might mistake it for not connecting with the topic. Your work simply does not come up to your expectations this way.

Never worry about the statistics, but make sure to have fun and interact within the community!

You know what I love about this award post? I don’t need to rack my brain for questions!

My Nominees:

Tanvi Roy

Inspired Soul

Live not Exist

Purple Pumpernickel

Random Thoughts by Haya

Congrats guys!

Thanks for reading, as always…

Have a great day!




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