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Before yesterdayWarner Bailey Blogging

Where have I been?

20 August 2021 at 16:45

Doing things like THIS in my now 2 year old Apartment…

The simple way of hanging boxes as wall shelves

I’ve missed waiting. I’ve missed the anticipation of your engagement.

I thought about starting fresh with a brand new blog but quickly recognized how purpose defeating that would be for my 2 already established blogs.

So we swallow pride, remove the fictional story we’ve made up in our minds about how no one will read us because of how inconsistent we’ve been. We remind ourselves why we share ourselves and our experience on blog sites, and remember that or goal is to show anyone who relates that they were not the only ones, that other people behave in similar ways and that someone is willing to expose and compose content that has traditionally been hidden from each other, lied about when addressed, chastised, criticized, and often penalized and punished for.

We are brave and so we proceed adding to our blogs whenever we can and have hope that we become consistent again. There is no way to write consistently if I don’t write at all.

I don’t mind being brave while showing my fears. It isn’t an easy task but it’s a rewarding one when it helps another person truly comprehend our connection and someone is able to heal and move forward knowing that they are not wrong for being themselves and that life can not only be lived freely but can be enjoyed together when we stop attacking ourselves, and Practice kindness until our perception of worth, value, and care is one of allowance and acceptance.

So I feel like I’ve turned this post into a wordy rant on humanism and procrastination instead of its intended message on the cool post I found on DIY cardboard box shelving. Lol!

Whether this post is about making shelves or being kind I’m overall pleased that I’M BAAACK! (insert smiley face then silly face here)

I look forward to your feedback, comments, and questions.

Until then,

“Life Sucks and is so Beautiful”

-Warner Bailey

warnerbailey

Where have I been?

20 August 2021 at 16:45

Doing things like THIS in my now 2 year old Apartment…

The simple way of hanging boxes as wall shelves

I’ve missed waiting. I’ve missed the anticipation of your engagement.

I thought about starting fresh with a brand new blog but quickly recognized how purpose defeating that would be for my 2 already established blogs.

So we swallow pride, remove the fictional story we’ve made up in our minds about how no one will read us because of how inconsistent we’ve been. We remind ourselves why we share ourselves and our experience on blog sites, and remember that or goal is to show anyone who relates that they were not the only ones, that other people behave in similar ways and that someone is willing to expose and compose content that has traditionally been hidden from each other, lied about when addressed, chastised, criticized, and often penalized and punished for.

We are brave and so we proceed adding to our blogs whenever we can and have hope that we become consistent again. There is no way to write consistently if I don’t write at all.

I don’t mind being brave while showing my fears. It isn’t an easy task but it’s a rewarding one when it helps another person truly comprehend our connection and someone is able to heal and move forward knowing that they are not wrong for being themselves and that life can not only be lived freely but can be enjoyed together when we stop attacking ourselves, and Practice kindness until our perception of worth, value, and care is one of allowance and acceptance.

So I feel like I’ve turned this post into a wordy rant on humanism and procrastination instead of its intended message on the cool post I found on DIY cardboard box shelving. Lol!

Whether this post is about making shelves or being kind I’m overall pleased that I’M BAAACK! (insert smiley face then silly face here)

I look forward to your feedback, comments, and questions.

Until then,

“Life Sucks and is so Beautiful”

-Warner Bailey

It Doesn’t Have to be Long too…

9 December 2020 at 14:05

My Mother died 3 weeks ago.

I was holding her hand and she drifted off to whatever Die is.

Although I will die alone, I was not born alone. My Mother was the first person I knew. We were so close for so long. We were so far from close this last decade.

Mommy.

I lived a long time waiting impatiently for my Mother to do whatever DIE is so that I could die shortly after like I’ve heard of old couples doing. I didn’t want to leave her here in life with sadness over my death. The idea of that pain was awful to think about. I decided to do my best to let her go first.

This was supposed to finally be my moment to get out of this life and see what’s next. So I thought.

The problem with that idea began when I gave birth to a wonderful little boy 18 years ago. I then reinforced this problem by birthing one of the most amazing little girls a few years later. These people were problematic in terms of my exit plan.

Eventually those welcomed problems gained humongous problems of their own as the transformed out of being any type of problem and overnight became solutions to any and everything for me.

Now I’m still here without the person I loved more than myself for so long and without the 2 people who I loved more than that.

This is a problem.

Permanent damage.

I stopped writing for a long time. I knew it wouldn’t last but I don’t like how it’s come back.

I guess I’m back to telling stories and vomiting my thoughts on platforms where people rarely hear me and I sloppily navigate through a wide world of webs never knowing what’s happening just like on Earth. A bizarre double feature.

Tune out or tune in, either way, while I’m still here, I’ll be listening to reality radio, public Access, no commercials, paid for and owned by the people for the people.

If you’re wondering who the people are, maybe it’s you.

Life Sucks and is so Beautiful.

– Warner Bailey

warnerbailey

Stop Hurting Me

9 December 2020 at 13:24

People need to understand that I am a human being and I have feelings I can either turn those feelings into cold-hearted whatever or just plain blah or I can let my feelings keep getting hurt. I don’t like that. people should stop. I don’t even think I’m going to edit this. I’m doing one of those stupid talk to your phone things and whatever it comes out as I’m going to just post it. stop hurting my feelings.

warnerbailey

It Doesn’t Have to be Long too…

9 December 2020 at 14:05

My Mother died 3 weeks ago.

I was holding her hand and she drifted off to whatever Die is.

Although I will die alone, I was not born alone. My Mother was the first person I knew. We were so close for so long. We were so far from close this last decade.

Mommy.

I lived a long time waiting impatiently for my Mother to do whatever DIE is so that I could die shortly after like I’ve heard of old couples doing. I didn’t want to leave her here in life with sadness over my death. The idea of that pain was awful to think about. I decided to do my best to let her go first.

This was supposed to finally be my moment to get out of this life and see what’s next. So I thought.

The problem with that idea began when I gave birth to a wonderful little boy 18 years ago. I then reinforced this problem by birthing one of the most amazing little girls a few years later. These people were problematic in terms of my exit plan.

Eventually those welcomed problems gained humongous problems of their own as the transformed out of being any type of problem and overnight became solutions to any and everything for me.

Now I’m still here without the person I loved more than myself for so long and without the 2 people who I loved more than that.

This is a problem.

Permanent damage.

I stopped writing for a long time. I knew it wouldn’t last but I don’t like how it’s come back.

I guess I’m back to telling stories and vomiting my thoughts on platforms where people rarely hear me and I sloppily navigate through a wide world of webs never knowing what’s happening just like on Earth. A bizarre double feature.

Tune out or tune in, either way, while I’m still here, I’ll be listening to reality radio, public Access, no commercials, paid for and owned by the people for the people.

If you’re wondering who the people are, maybe it’s you.

Life Sucks and is so Beautiful.

– Warner Bailey

Stop Hurting Me

9 December 2020 at 13:24

People need to understand that I am a human being and I have feelings I can either turn those feelings into cold-hearted whatever or just plain blah or I can let my feelings keep getting hurt. I don’t like that. people should stop. I don’t even think I’m going to edit this. I’m doing one of those stupid talk to your phone things and whatever it comes out as I’m going to just post it. stop hurting my feelings.

It Doesn’t Have to be Long

7 March 2020 at 09:10

Yesterday early morning, my brother hit me up on video chat. I haven’t been feel well and I was cleaning my apartment, bleaching and dying my hair. I hadn’t showered in 2 days and I needed to so badly but I wouldn’t until I did my other grooming first ( hair, nails, etc.). I didn’t connect the call, I replied with the generic text msg saying I couldn’t talk then, please call back later.

He sent me a text later in the morning which simply said his phone was off. I had already told him I would pay his bill but I was busy on yet another phone call with public assistance that lasted hours, regarding the food stamps I’ve been waiting for and were promised to me in October.

By the afternoon I was exhausted. I made sure to pay his bill before I fell asleep.

I was surprised to see that he hadn’t called me while I was over sleeping and waiting for a package to arrive. So I called him but his phone was still disconnected. I thought maybe there were some overages I didn’t know about and I sent him a few messages online asking how much he owed.

Last night my brother’s mother called me and told me that he died.

My brother is dead.

And his phone never got connected. I have a confirmation say that the bill was paid.

I’m sad. A bit angry, scared, and uncomfortable.

I had planned to go to a dog adoption event today. I really hope I’m allowed to leave with a new little fella, bring him home today. I already have eye on a fella called Peabody I saw online.

My brother died yesterday. I can hardly believe this.

warnerbailey

It Doesn’t Have to be Long

7 March 2020 at 09:10

Yesterday early morning, my brother hit me up on video chat. I haven’t been feel well and I was cleaning my apartment, bleaching and dying my hair. I hadn’t showered in 2 days and I needed to so badly but I wouldn’t until I did my other grooming first ( hair, nails, etc.). I didn’t connect the call, I replied with the generic text msg saying I couldn’t talk then, please call back later.

He sent me a text later in the morning which simply said his phone was off. I had already told him I would pay his bill but I was busy on yet another phone call with public assistance that lasted hours, regarding the food stamps I’ve been waiting for and were promised to me in October.

By the afternoon I was exhausted. I made sure to pay his bill before I fell asleep.

I was surprised to see that he hadn’t called me while I was over sleeping and waiting for a package to arrive. So I called him but his phone was still disconnected. I thought maybe there were some overages I didn’t know about and I sent him a few messages online asking how much he owed.

Last night my brother’s mother called me and told me that he died.

My brother is dead.

And his phone never got connected. I have a confirmation say that the bill was paid.

I’m sad. A bit angry, scared, and uncomfortable.

I had planned to go to a dog adoption event today. I really hope I’m allowed to leave with a new little fella, bring him home today. I already have eye on a fella called Peabody I saw online.

My brother died yesterday. I can hardly believe this.

So I’ve heard…

10 February 2020 at 19:10

So, I’ve heard you’ve missed me. Well I’ve missed you to. I know for sure now that sharing with you was super healthy for me. Ranting, raving, criticizing, praising, crying, laughing, shouting at the top of my lungs on paper. These are all of the things necessary for my growth and development.

Since we’ve been apart, I’ve moved into my very own 1 bedroom apartment, have a boyfriend for almost a year, had to call the police to remove him in September, my son turned 17 and has become distant, my daughter is now 12 and calls me every chance she gets and tells me EVERYTHING, just like my son used to, and I’m loving it. My son will be going away to college in the summer, he earned a full academic scholarship to an out of state college which is way closer to New York than here in California, insert sad face here. I’m struggling with mental and emotional frustration. I have feelings of loss and I’m angry that we weren’t ever able to regain any symbol of our lives together before he becomes an adult. He’ll be gone soon and sometimes I feel like I’ve failed him. There’s still hope for getting my daughter back under my roof again. I plan to propose this move I’m the summer.

I started teaching tap at a local dance studio to children soon after moving into my new home in a new community. I loved my job and I was so amazed and blessed with such wonderful, scary talented, young ones. I apparently got bit by a spider on the outside of my vagina and suffered unbelievable amounts of pain, fever, and dilutions, causing me to miss the end of semester performance rehearsals and the show itself. I was under the impression someone had updated my boss concerning my health problem (I almost died) but when I realized no-one hadn’t I was furious and embarrassed but I took a scary step and called to address the issue many many days after the events. I left a voicemail message explaining what happened, I never received a response and in turn, my fears and total humiliation took over, paralyzing me to the point of never returning to work and never making another attempt to call and reconcile. I am now in a slight funk/depression but I can honestly say that’s the only pressing problem I’m avoiding these days.

Well, there’s the newest issue where I’m dealing again with this treacherous “blood family” of mine. This time it isn’t about my children, it’s about my Mother. She went into the hospital on Thursday and I only found out on Saturday because the one cousin who I am still communicating with called to tell me. When I tell you the awful things that the Aunts and whomever else said/did when asked why I hadn’t been included in the discussion thread about my Mother, you’ll probably be as hurt as I am. The good news is that with the help of my “Wonder Twin” brother I was able to put my anger and pain to the side and address my Mother’s care with confidence and love. As a result of my maturity (at least I think this is why) I received a call today from a medical professional giving me an update on my Mother’s care. I am sitting on the toilet as I type into my phone a proud daughter.

And as for the last quick update, my brother and I have finally been able to be in the same place at the same time!!! He visited at the end of last year and came back again from December to mid-January. That’s a drama filled story that you don’t want to miss.

There’s so many other details to write about. This is the foundation of the new and improved blog from me, Warner Bailey.

I’ll be posting reviews on the new places I’m visiting, including, restaurants, malls, liqour stores, and random events. You’ll learn about my in-depth online shopping experiences and why I’m more cyber based than ever. HINT: Every heard of agoraphobia? Eeks!

I’ll be sharing my experience so far as an alcoholic who is drinking again but still LOVES AA and has in-home meetings, refers to the big book for guidance, and isn’t ashamed, hiding, or worried about living in a bush again.

I’m back with way more confidence, new perspectives, strange theories, and so much to complain about, laugh about, cry about, and hope about.

Just like the year, I’m here with clearer vision. Life still sucks and still so beautiful.

I’m looking forward to engaging more with you and including you in THE WARNER BAILEY PROJECT soon to be a MOVEMENT.

Peas and blessings, double L squared, bad peace in the North East. I’m Audi 5,000!

256.jpg

warnerbailey

So I’ve heard…

10 February 2020 at 19:10

So, I’ve heard you’ve missed me. Well I’ve missed you to. I know for sure now that sharing with you was super healthy for me. Ranting, raving, criticizing, praising, crying, laughing, shouting at the top of my lungs on paper. These are all of the things necessary for my growth and development.

Since we’ve been apart, I’ve moved into my very own 1 bedroom apartment, have a boyfriend for almost a year, had to call the police to remove him in September, my son turned 17 and has become distant, my daughter is now 12 and calls me every chance she gets and tells me EVERYTHING, just like my son used to, and I’m loving it. My son will be going away to college in the summer, he earned a full academic scholarship to an out of state college which is way closer to New York than here in California, insert sad face here. I’m struggling with mental and emotional frustration. I have feelings of loss and I’m angry that we weren’t ever able to regain any symbol of our lives together before he becomes an adult. He’ll be gone soon and sometimes I feel like I’ve failed him. There’s still hope for getting my daughter back under my roof again. I plan to propose this move I’m the summer.

I started teaching tap at a local dance studio to children soon after moving into my new home in a new community. I loved my job and I was so amazed and blessed with such wonderful, scary talented, young ones. I apparently got bit by a spider on the outside of my vagina and suffered unbelievable amounts of pain, fever, and dilutions, causing me to miss the end of semester performance rehearsals and the show itself. I was under the impression someone had updated my boss concerning my health problem (I almost died) but when I realized no-one hadn’t I was furious and embarrassed but I took a scary step and called to address the issue many many days after the events. I left a voicemail message explaining what happened, I never received a response and in turn, my fears and total humiliation took over, paralyzing me to the point of never returning to work and never making another attempt to call and reconcile. I am now in a slight funk/depression but I can honestly say that’s the only pressing problem I’m avoiding these days.

Well, there’s the newest issue where I’m dealing again with this treacherous “blood family” of mine. This time it isn’t about my children, it’s about my Mother. She went into the hospital on Thursday and I only found out on Saturday because the one cousin who I am still communicating with called to tell me. When I tell you the awful things that the Aunts and whomever else said/did when asked why I hadn’t been included in the discussion thread about my Mother, you’ll probably be as hurt as I am. The good news is that with the help of my “Wonder Twin” brother I was able to put my anger and pain to the side and address my Mother’s care with confidence and love. As a result of my maturity (at least I think this is why) I received a call today from a medical professional giving me an update on my Mother’s care. I am sitting on the toilet as I type into my phone a proud daughter.

And as for the last quick update, my brother and I have finally been able to be in the same place at the same time!!! He visited at the end of last year and came back again from December to mid-January. That’s a drama filled story that you don’t want to miss.

There’s so many other details to write about. This is the foundation of the new and improved blog from me, Warner Bailey.

I’ll be posting reviews on the new places I’m visiting, including, restaurants, malls, liqour stores, and random events. You’ll learn about my in-depth online shopping experiences and why I’m more cyber based than ever. HINT: Every heard of agoraphobia? Eeks!

I’ll be sharing my experience so far as an alcoholic who is drinking again but still LOVES AA and has in-home meetings, refers to the big book for guidance, and isn’t ashamed, hiding, or worried about living in a bush again.

I’m back with way more confidence, new perspectives, strange theories, and so much to complain about, laugh about, cry about, and hope about.

Just like the year, I’m here with clearer vision. Life still sucks and still so beautiful.

I’m looking forward to engaging more with you and including you in THE WARNER BAILEY PROJECT soon to be a MOVEMENT.

Peas and blessings, double L squared, bad peace in the North East. I’m Audi 5,000!

Now is the Time – I am pressing on…

13 September 2019 at 06:05

http://isthisreallifereally.blogspot.com/2019/09/now-power-of-now-now.html

A post to a YouTube video

“Help!” is what I’ve been screaming inside. I have and I can. Now is the time for “I Will.”

“@ 5:34 Totally Me! http://Www.WarneBaileyBlogging.WordPress.com & http://www.IsThisRealLifeReally.blogspot.com Quickly became http://www.WayTooMuch.Podbean.com a Podcast that I paid to upgrade for monetization purposes and never posted another show after that. I am still getting $40 a Month taken from my account and it’s been almost a year.
*Important Disclaimer: I have been working on the Warner Bailey Project since 2017 as a 4th year #HOMELESS #DRUG #ADDICT #ALCOHOLIC which made it very hard to stay consistent. As of 1 month and 2 weeks ago I have finally moved into my own apartment and am ready to launch into The Warner Bailey Project which will become a movement.
I have a wealth of knowledge, experience, talent, skill, training, education, and pure Love to utilize. I procrastinate, I am a workaholic, I am healing from numerous tragedies. I am strong willed, I am powerful, I have a connection with a great source of energy that is so strong it can be seen with the naked eye. I am passionate about helping others, showing the world my humanity, I am bold and daring while living in fear and anonymity.
Thank you all for your comments, thank you for this post. I have read many of the comments here and have joined some of you on your journeys. I look forward to hearing, seeing, and building with you all.”
Peas and blessings,

“Life Sucks and is so Beautiful.”
-Warner Bailey

brookeshaden02.jpg

warnerbailey

Now is the Time – I am pressing on…

13 September 2019 at 06:05

http://isthisreallifereally.blogspot.com/2019/09/now-power-of-now-now.html

A post to a YouTube video

“Help!” is what I’ve been screaming inside. I have and I can. Now is the time for “I Will.”

“@ 5:34 Totally Me! http://Www.WarneBaileyBlogging.WordPress.com & http://www.IsThisRealLifeReally.blogspot.com Quickly became http://www.WayTooMuch.Podbean.com a Podcast that I paid to upgrade for monetization purposes and never posted another show after that. I am still getting $40 a Month taken from my account and it’s been almost a year.
*Important Disclaimer: I have been working on the Warner Bailey Project since 2017 as a 4th year #HOMELESS #DRUG #ADDICT #ALCOHOLIC which made it very hard to stay consistent. As of 1 month and 2 weeks ago I have finally moved into my own apartment and am ready to launch into The Warner Bailey Project which will become a movement.
I have a wealth of knowledge, experience, talent, skill, training, education, and pure Love to utilize. I procrastinate, I am a workaholic, I am healing from numerous tragedies. I am strong willed, I am powerful, I have a connection with a great source of energy that is so strong it can be seen with the naked eye. I am passionate about helping others, showing the world my humanity, I am bold and daring while living in fear and anonymity.
Thank you all for your comments, thank you for this post. I have read many of the comments here and have joined some of you on your journeys. I look forward to hearing, seeing, and building with you all.”
Peas and blessings,

“Life Sucks and is so Beautiful.”
-Warner Bailey

The Meaning of Things

19 August 2019 at 09:21

Many times, my life has felt like a movie. Any genre of film would be fitting… I mean ANY.

I have yet to find that sweet spot of writing where I have been consistent, even if my consistency doesn’t look like others, I want to be satisfied knowing that I delivered quality reading material to the world whether it be once a week or 4 times a year.

In between my rants and raves to you, I have these awesome ideas that would make for an abundance of writing material and a clear shot at success. I even went as far as staging the material in my head many times.

I have ideas of how I think I could write this blog post right now make an epic tale a turning point in my writing career but I now see this as a sad tale with what looks like an unhappy end.

I have less time to write this than I thought. If I can, I will add to this post another time. If this is the last I get to write, I hope that you come to understand.

“Life Sucks and is so Beautiful.” – Warner Bailey

warnerbailey

The Meaning of Things

19 August 2019 at 09:21

Many times, my life has felt like a movie. Any genre of film would be fitting… I mean ANY.

I have yet to find that sweet spot of writing where I have been consistent, even if my consistency doesn’t look like others, I want to be satisfied knowing that I delivered quality reading material to the world whether it be once a week or 4 times a year.

In between my rants and raves to you, I have these awesome ideas that would make for an abundance of writing material and a clear shot at success. I even went as far as staging the material in my head many times.

I have ideas of how I think I could write this blog post right now make an epic tale a turning point in my writing career but I now see this as a sad tale with what looks like an unhappy end.

I have less time to write this than I thought. If I can, I will add to this post another time. If this is the last I get to write, I hope that you come to understand.

“Life Sucks and is so Beautiful.” – Warner Bailey

Born Free, Mother to Baby

6 July 2019 at 17:43
Happy Bornday Baby, From Mommy
Rip me open again, will you?
Let me breathe one more time in synchronicity with you,
my beloved.
I miss your tiny fingers clutching my breast while you fed.
Nails so thin and new, sharp, painful grasps, far from bothered because it was you.
This little light of mine.
She shines,
I,
Mother,
am blind.
With each new awakening, I remember vividly you saying, “Mommy, wake up. Wake up Mommy, it’s time to wake up.”
Your voice was so mature, I’d never heard you sound like that before, I left you, a baby, next phone conversation you had the voice I heard, mature.
Despite me, you thrive.
You saved my life.
Every day I die a little bit more.
My daughter, how strange still to say.
Still, I say it anyway.
Born on this very day, we waited patiently for you.
You tried to come too soon.
MIdwife says to be with Mommy a bit longer Dear.
Excited to meet you face to face,
I still wait.
Be still they say,
soon she’ll be with you.
I miss your laughing face.
Your beauty is beyond me.
I still can’t believe you call me Mommy.
Oh, Freedom, beloved blessing, your name says everything.
Be you always.
Mommy Loves you baby.
I’ve been struggling, in battle, fighting, for you for a decade, holding memories hostage, craving for how we used to be.
No longer 2 or 3, 12 now, wiser than me.
Never stop being you, don’t be like me.
Be you always.
Free.
– Warner Bailey
June 15, 2019

warnerbailey

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